올해 수능 문법 만점 맞으실분들 오세요

다음 중 어법상 틀린 것은?

Have you ever been frustrated with the revelation that except me, most of the people can make the limitless amount of money and 1) be paid attention to every time they show up ?As time flies like an arrow , children may, can, and will be upset with the fact that they think they can't make as much money as celebritys make whatever jobs they plan to have from now. This is because they are still too young to understand entertainers' world, though they say they are big boys.With the 'help' of television, children may blindly think celebritys have the higher quality of life than them, so they are disappointed by themselves and suffer from an inferiority complex.As television has 2) long been focusing on public figures to date, nowdays children are fascinated by an unrealistic world and are slack in their own time.
And as I have found so when I was young, these days, children may also believe the rate of cruel crimes is perhaps on the rise because mass media also has long been focusing on criminals until now,though It hasn't been necessary so.Although the rate isn't the case, if they blindly think so, they, children may tremble with groundless fear and what's worse, may change violently in order to 3) survive this dangerous world.
Moreover, most people who agree for children to watch TV would overlook the fact that watching TV, children can blindly mimic something new wheather It is violent or not. Watching TV can also become their habit, make them sleepless till late and deprive them of their own time such as their hobby,reading or study and the like.
I 4) do admit that with the help of their parents, they, children can control themselves.
However, in most cases, the problem is that whenever children watch TV,
their parents can't direct and control them with ease, for most of the parents have 'their own time'
You see, It isn't television itself that I deny now.
Although television 5) has nothing to do with little time,
with the reasons above there, my belief is that It isn't proper for children to watch TV as too much as they are so addicted to TV that they mimic something improper to them and 6)scarcely can control themselves.

사실 작년 삼월에 토플 라이팅 대비로 연습삼아 쓴건데
그냥 메모장에 박아두기에는 아까워서 문법 문제 하나 만듦
정확히 이해하고 맞추면 올해 수능 문법 만점은 문제없다고 자신함