1. False Dreams

Question

In my most vulnerable years, I thought I must have to go a university which is better than Seogang University. I thought I have to have a professional job or get a doctor's degree.

"You have to give up your false dreams."

My acquaintance in the same school class said to me.

When I was a senior, my score wasn't good. My mind was fully occupied with morbid thoughts. I crushed on a girl in the next class and I knew my score wasn't good so I feared the possibility to go bad universities.

"Student like you can't enter here."

When I visited a study room for the upper ranks in my high school, my acquaintance said like that.

After a Suneung in 2011, I could go neither universities in Seoul, nor good jaesu hakwon. Like the main character in Araby written by James Joyce, I decided to go Noryangjin. After graduating from the high school, I can't go anywhere. I hated my home. I hated my neighborhood.

A boy in the short story who lived in a poor Northen Dublin street tried to visit Araby bazaar because he anticipated the place is better than the place he lived. However, it was wrong.

My deed was very similar to the boy's act. Noryangjin was one of the sickest places in Korea. Thousands of shabby people who prepare for 9th-grade civil servant exam roamed the street, and there are dangwa hakwon which didn't take care of students, most of them are mid to lower ranks in their score.

I was lonely.
I was tired.
I was in a slump.
Anyone took care of me.
I wasn't good at math.
I took the natural sciences track(ee-gwa).

So I failed.

There were tragic events that tortured my early twenties.

So I completely failed.

But I couldn't abandon my false dreams.
I wanted to be a most elite person.
I wanted to admired by other people.
I wanted to disregard other people.

And I completely failed.

에밀 싱클레어 · Accepted Answer

https://www.plato-philosophy.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Araby.pdf

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1. False Dreams

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